| In an ordinary world |
 |
| Written by Pierre Lipperheide |
| Sunday, 20 December 2009 00:00 |
|
Being alone scares people a lot. Being ordinary even more. Since childhood we have been told that we are each something special. But no matter how often we hear it, it takes a lot of self-confidence to believe it. In puberty—when we first begin to doubt ourselves—I discovered that I was not like everyone else. I changed schools and was confronted with a new reality about myself, a reality that everyone must face at a certain point in his life, and one we are unable to change.
For me, it was that I came only from a lower middle-class family (unusual for my school), that I was too big and too thin for my age, that I no longer made friends easily. I don't quite remember the exact moment that this uncertainty began, maybe in sixth grade, but I remember that I began to feel lonelier from year to year, no matter what I did. It's funny how being different is what scares you when you are young. My parents could not afford to buy me the clothes or shoes that were hip back then, but instead I got cheap, imitation products. I got myself the haircut all the other boys had, to create the illusion of being just like them. For a while I fit in. I even started smoking because I thought that’d be cool. Today I would put that on top of my list of regrets. In fact, I just quit smoking a month ago and am not sure if it will even work this time.
At age 12, I could never have imagined how peer pressure would later affect my life so drastically. But as I think about it today, I can now see how I’ve bent under the weight of others' opinions, to make others think I am someone special. But now I do it for different reasons. I don't want to be like everyone anymore – I want to be the opposite. I wanna be completely different, unique in every possible way. This rebellion started when I was sixteen or seventeen. I looked in the mirror and realized that this was it. This is what I look like. Of course, I looked in the mirror often enough before that moment, seeing myself but never realizing that this was my nose (a big one by the way), or that this was my body, you could see every single rip. And while I was staring in the mirror, it was as if I looked inside myself also. I finally understood why I always had more girls around me than boys. My handwriting was not pretty because I’m a tidy person (I wasn't back then and I'm not now), but because I was pretty gay—hard to take in at first, but easier to live with once you’ve accepted it. It took me some time and some trouble, but I lived through it.
From that day on, my life changed. I noticed that becoming part of a group of people did not make me special. So I abandoned conformity once more and began feeling special by being totally different. That was not very hard. I simply had to take a look at the friends I had and create my new self as opposite to them. But what I realize today is that I just changed the outside, and with it the people surrounding me. You can't be special in the way that you are like no one else because everything imaginable already exists. So there will always be someone that is just like the new image you’ve created for yourself. So I shifted from one circle of friends to another and looked just like them. Although I wore different clothes and listened to different music, I was the same again: alike. Some years later I finally realized that simply being yourself is the key. I had some troubles finding my real self beneath the thick film of make-up that constructed my masks . I had to dig deep, laying the old images aside. I still catch myself red-handed sometimes, lying about something just to change the way people think about me. I can’t protect myself from sometimes reverting back to one of my old personas, but I don't act like I am someone else anymore.
These masks have left me with scars and sometimes I am not really sure which of the multiple Me's I really am, but at least I learned something very important. And isn't that what making mistakes is about? I also learned that there are millions (if not billions) of people who went or are going through the same troubles I did. But not everybody comes to the same conclusion I did. An awful lot of people still think that being yourself means being ordinary. And ordinary is boring. And who wants to be boring? Many industries, in fact, count on your lack in self-confidence to boost their business. Cosmetic surgery, for example. People rush to the cosmetic surgeon that promises to make them the most beautiful. They want to have Britney's nose and Pamela's breasts. They pay thousands of dollars to make themselves look different on the outside. But that doesn't change their insides. That doesn’t change the fact that they may be from Queens and not from Connecticut.
Today we don't have a strong ideal of beauty. People can have all kinds of noses without being ugly. But a symmetrical face is still what people find most attractive. We have big lips, thin lips, snub noses and straight ones, but it's only okay if the rest of the face and body fits the overall picture. Personally, I'm very glad that this changed. What a bland world it would be if everyone looked the same. That's what fashion designers must think too; they create unique dresses that cost as much as an average flat just because it's the only one in the world with that special cut or this combination of motifs and colors. They rely on our desire to be unique. We buy Gucci because the chance of coming across someone wearing the same shirt is not as great as when you shop at H&M. So are the people shopping at H&M those who came clean with themselves and noticed that there is more to life than being special? Some, maybe, but I guess here is no special reason to be found. H&M just has a good price/performance ratio. So, again, what would the world look like if everybody was the same? A world in that everybody found himself, acts himself, looks like himself. A world were cosmetic surgeons live on the street. A good world?
Written by Pierre Lipperheide |
In praise of the Dir...
great post - Thanks this great post. ...
Pick of the Week: ...
Vote for our Wiesnhit here: http://w...
Next week in Munich:...
amazing - I went to munich last year....
In praise of the Dir...
basic styles - the basic styles are r...
Nada Surf in Munich ...
great interview, awesome pics! i woul...